FIRST DAYS OF PRESCHOOL

Question: I am afraid my child will cling to me on the first day of preschool while everyone else skips off without even saying good-bye. What can I do to help her/him adjust?

Answer: It’s normal for the first days of school to be an anxious period of adjustment for many parents and children. Kids are often working through intense feeling of anger, discomfort, shyness, and even fear. Parents, too, may struggle with their own feelings of separation anxiety, embarrassment, anger, guilt, and disappointment. When things don’t go as smoothly as you hoped, try giving it some time.

SANITY SAVERS

Visit the preschool with your child before school begins. Point out some of the things that will interest or excite him/her. Check out the toys, crafts, books, and play equipment.

Reassure your child that you can be called if needed and show her the location of the school phone.

Encourage communication with the teacher before school begins.

Try to encourage at least one friendship before school starts. Ask the school to tell you if there are any children from the class who live nearby.

Let your child get acquainted with the various places (the office, the supermarket, the gym) you might be while he/she is at school. She/he may feel more secure knowing what you are doing while he’s gone.

Acknowledge and respect your child’s “first-day feelings” while remaining firm about having to leave. Then give him something special to look forward to when school is over for the day.

Try not to show your own mixed feelings, if you have them. Act confident, strong, and matter-of-fact, and save the discussion with other parents of your own separation anxiety for the times when your child is out of earshot.

If possible, leave younger siblings with the sitter for the first day or so. Your older child will appreciate your total attention on his “special day”. For some children, just the sight of Mommy and baby brother/sister walking off together makes separation more difficult.

With the teacher’s approval, allow your child to bring a small reminder of home, such as a picture, a “lucky penny.” Or a special note from you to put in his pocket.

Establish a morning routine and encourage your child to help with dressing and organizing himself.

TAKE HEART

You’re not the only parent who has more ”tummy butterflies” on the first day of school than your child does.

Realize the importance of sitting down with your child and eating a healthy breakfast together. (Easier

said than done!) Mealtime can be an excellent opportunity for communication.

Choose a reasonable bedtime and try to stick to it (not always easy when older kids stay up later or when

your favorite TV show is about to begin.)

Use “quiet times” to talk about the school activities your child enjoys. Kids are often more receptive to

talking and listening under the cover of darkness or during a bath.

Share your calendar with your child, or help her keep one of her own, so she knows what to expect each

day. Predictability and routine help your child feel more secure and in control.

Discuss the pickup arrangements with your child. Let her know when she’ll be picked up (after playtime,

after snack time, etc.) and who will pick her up (you, the sitter, another mom). Consistency and routine are

usually comforting to a preschooler.

Talk to your sitter/caregiver or car pool mom about the school’s rules and procedures for dropping off

and picking up children.

Understand that neither you nor your child is a failure if you don’t do well with carpooling. Do whatever

works for you… but give it a chance.

Go to class with your apprehensive child the first time and show here where she will sit, where the

bathroom is, and so on.

Ask the teacher to give you a progress report at the end of the week about how your child is dealing with

your leaving.

Share your stories about your own first days of school with your children. Remembering and relating your

stories can let your children know you really do understand their anxiety, while offering reassurance that

everything will be okay.

Listen to and observe what your kids can tell you through their play. Role-play going to school, saying good-

bye, and coming back home with them. It can be helpful to switch roles and let the kids play teacher and

parent sometimes. Dolls, puppets, and drawing materials can also help kids convey their feelings and

concerns.

BOTTOM LINES:

Each child develops at his own pace in his own way; for every parent embarrassed by his clinging child,

there is another mother worried that a quick departure means her child hasn’t bonded closely enough!

By:

Rashmi Deshpande

Psychological Counselor

(M.S. Couns. & Psy.)